Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
