i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
