glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I want to fling myself into the sun
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
