I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
