how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
