I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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