tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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