In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We named our party play list daddy issues
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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