NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
