i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
