i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
