I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
