i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
