my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
