You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
