so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize