I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
