My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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