Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
