my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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