Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
