Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
