Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
