one two three fourrrrnication!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
