Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
