if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I want is dick and wine.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
