So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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