Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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