You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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