my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize