what day is it and did you see me today?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
