it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
