I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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