they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
