i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
