Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
