Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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