Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
