thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
