Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
