Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
