so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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