Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
