He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
