yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
