My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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