my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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