you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize