And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
do nipples grow back?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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