apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
