I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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