epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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