I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
