I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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