So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
