I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize