Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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