My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
