That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
