I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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