Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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