I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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