so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
