I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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