I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
