you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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