all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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