I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
