Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
