And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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