direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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