I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
