Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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